Ahhh… The (new) age-old question: Why are there so many single black women? Black people blame it on improbable standards. Steve Harvey blames it on psychology and that you’re not buying his book. Everyone else blames it on incarceration rates and under-education in black men. Me? I blame it on something that every facet of human life could stand to take a spoonful of: reality. Explain? Of course I will.

The Wall Street Journal, in its traditional fashion of catching onto trends late and passing them on to culturally vapid conservatives, had an interesting piece profiling the plight of a sadly single black woman and her unwed compatriots:

Audrey belongs to the most unmarried group of people in the U.S.: black women. Nearly 70% of black women are unmarried, and the racial gap in marriage spans the socioeconomic spectrum, from the urban poor to well-off suburban professionals. Three in 10 college-educated black women haven’t married by age 40; their white peers are less than half as likely to have remained unwed…

Audrey and other black women confront a social scene in which desirable black men are scarce.

Part of the problem is incarceration. More than two million men are now imprisoned in the U.S., and roughly 40% of them are African-American. At any given time, more than 10% of black men in their 20s or 30s—prime marrying ages—are in jail or prison.

Educationally, black men also lag. There are roughly 1.4 million black women now in college, compared to just 900,000 black men. By graduation, black women outnumber men 2-to-1. Among graduate-school students, in 2008 there were 125,000 African-American women but only 58,000 African-American men. That same year, black women received more than three out of every five law or medical degrees awarded to African-Americans.

These problems translate into dimmer economic prospects for black men, and the less a man earns, the less likely he is to marry. That’s how the relationship market operates. Marriage is a matter of love and commitment, but it is also an exchange. A black man without a job or the likelihood of landing one cannot offer a woman enough to make that exchange worthwhile.- via WSJ.com

Then the WSJ goes on to pose the tired question to its readers:

Ralph Richard Banks’s recent WSJ Review essay, “An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage,” fueled a continuing conversation: Should more black women increase their odds of romance and marriage by expanding their pool of eligible men? The bleak statistics he cited – that 70 percent of black women are unmarried, for example – forced an examination of lower education and higher incarceration rates of black men, and of the financial disparity that Mr. Banks believes can strain relationships when the woman earns more.

What do you think? Is it fair to point to these demographic factors as the reason so many black women are unmarried? Are black women who date outside being disloyal? Or – as Mr. Banks argues – are women who “love across the color line” actually helping black men by correcting an imbalance which has depressed black marriage rates? – via WSJ.com

Excuse the multiple block quotes, but the facts had to be transcribed. My reasoning, even in lieu of those facts still boils down to one word: reality. For all of the facts, numbers, figures, interviews, surveys and studies that can be done, none of them can truly alter one’s personal reality. In fact, it is personal reality that affects them.

If there is one thing that I’ve noticed in these dealings regarding black marriage rates, it is that blacks (both men and women) have fed into these statistics as of late. They let the statistics affect them personally and take up the statistics as reasoning for their own relationship woes. I liken it to reading too much WebMD. First, you’re checking out symptoms that you saw on a Discovery Heath show. Next, you’re wondering why this part hurts or why that one may not be functioning as you once thought. The next thing you know, you’re at the doctor’s office paying a $20 co-pay for an ailment you knew nothing of a week ago. Nothing a hefty dose of reality couldn’t prevent.

You see, the problem with black marriage rates, questioning interracial dating and the like isn’t in the qualities of the people being studied. The problem is that everyone in those studies is looking for some idealized version of those qualities. In Hollywood and the media, we see glamorized versions of love, not knowing that in reality relationships take work and compatibility, not necessarily similar racial backgrounds. Barack and Michelle didn’t just see each other across the halls of Sidley Austin in ’89 and fall madly in love. Our future president had to put in three months of work before she’d even go out with him.

This hearkens back to reality in that no one set blueprint can EVER determine someone’s relationship-worthiness or prospects for marriage. Reality almost always makes sure of that, and needs to be a factor in one’s search. You should search for someone who is right for YOU, not for someone to serve some ulterior, extraneous impulse/inkling about whether someone is the right person.

As to the the question of whether marrying outside of their race is a formula for success, again a reality check is needed. If Guy A make you snort milk out of your nose when he jokes with you, and Guy B only calls you beautiful when you’re down to your birthday suit, then why wouldn’t you go with Guy A, regardless of his race? Sure, you may be initially attracted to your race, but good qualities aren’t determined by color, nor do certain races come standard with certain qualities. Expand your candidate pool and your horizons by experiencing something other than the usual. That’s reality for you.

The title of this post implies that the current climate of black love is neurotic: neurotic in its idiosyncrasies, in its lack of flexibility and in its curiosity. Neuroses tend to pollute the judgment of their carrier by keeping harmful thought processes in their periphery, while weeding out beneficial ones because they are different from the standard. In relationships, reality is the potion for neuroses: reality as in finding what your real match is for your real life. There’s no study or survey for reality. There’s no expert whose grasp on reality can become yours. Don’t let the Wall Street Journal, Steve Harvey or any expert tell you what your reality should look like, especially in romance. Black, white, purple or whatever color you end up with, your reality will be better if you live it knowing and accepting your reality.

With the astrological signs basically thrown out the window, why not turn to a deck of cards?¬† Plug in your birthday and see what it says about you!¬† As for me, I’m the 8 of Diamonds…so incredibly true.

Hearts live through emotions and relationships. These are the children of the deck, often maintaining a youthful exuberance even into later years. The positive Heart is friendly and affectionate; the negative Heart is self-indulgent or flirtatious. Hearts excel in people-oriented careers. They make good nurses, teachers and counselors, as well as artists and musicians.

Clubs are creative and experience life through talking and learning. As the students of the deck, Clubs are curious, always thinking, and love to talk, read and teach. The positive Club is brilliant and well-informed; the negative Club can be a dishonest know-it-all. Great careers for Clubs include teaching, writing, law and journalism.

Diamonds are on the planet to clarify values. Diamonds like to spend money and like nice things. As the adults of the deck, Diamonds can’t stand being told what to do. Diamonds on a positive path are generous and philanthropic. The negative-minded Diamond can be greedy or miserly. Careers for the diamond person include banking, investing, politics, retail or merchandising, producing and big-business.

Spades are confident, strong-willed and wise. Even when they are young, Spades will often act more mature than their age. These are the workers of the deck. Spades are more interested in doing their jobs well than talking about them or becoming too emotionally involved with others. Spades can be stubborn and don’t like it when others try to control them. Spades find satisfaction in careers in construction (building), broadcasting and health care. And, as the symbol of “transformation,” Spades can also be successful in industries that deal with death or dying, and mysticism.

The numbers

The “odd” (active) numbers represent a person who is restless, on the go, and thrives on change.

The “even” (receptive) numbers are balanced and logical, attracting things and people to them.

Ace (One) is ambitious, active and driven. You are a self-starter who is excited to experience all that life has to offer. As a “One,” you may sometimes appear self-centered.

Two is sensitive, logical and comfortable in partnerships because you enjoy having someone to talk to, or bounce ideas off of. Avoid being insincere or becoming too dependent on the opinions of others.

Three is curious, restless and enjoys trying new things. You are extremely creative, so channel your gifts in a positive way to avoid worry and indecision.

Four is fortunate, organized and efficient. You are a hard-worker and good at bringing people and plans together. Avoid stubbornness or being small-minded.

Five is adventurous, restless, and hates routine or anything that limits your freedom. As a “people person,” you are comfortable around all kinds of personalities. Learn to commit.

Six is easygoing, peaceful and fair. You prefer to avoid confrontation, but won’t hesitate to stand up for what you believe in. Avoid stubbornness or falling into a rut.

Seven is the most mystical of all numbers. You have a mental sharpness that, when combined with your intuition (hunches), will serve you well. Have faith that you are being guided. Avoid being indifferent or skeptical.

Eight is the number of power and abundance. You enjoy attention and have special talents in the area of your suit (Hearts — charm; Clubs — knowledge; Diamonds — leadership; Spades — wisdom). Avoid power struggles.

Nine is intelligent and happiest when you give in and are willing to let go. Beware of being too overbearing, stingy or bullying.

10 is ambitious, capable and confident. You like to do things in a big way and may be obsessive or take on too much responsibility.

The “faces” are natural leaders who need to be respected. Even the Jacks, who may be less mature and serious than the King and Queen, need their talents to be recognized.

Jack is clever and playful. This youngest member of the royal family is creative and charming. There may be a tendency to stretch the truth or avoid responsibility.

Queen expresses power and leadership with compassion. Just as powerful as a King, you enjoy pleasing and taking care of others. Beware of being too demanding.

King is a natural leader. Authoritative, powerful, and wise, you prefer to do things your own way. Use caution when it comes to being too pushy or dismissive of others.

Joker is the wild card! A sneaky trickster who can take on the personality of any card in the deck, but most often acts like a Jack. Dec. 31 is the only day of the year that’s linked to the Joker. People born on this day cannot be read using this system.

• We will tell our own stories. There is just something to be said about Black women directing movies about Black women or Black women conducting studies about our own struggles. Perhaps it‚Äôs authenticity. Instead of complaining when we see distorted representations of our experiences, we vow to seek positions of power and/or find ways to support other Black women to do so, so that we can write our own narratives‚Äînot men, not Whites, not anyone else.

• We will not rely on the Internet (or any other form of media) to be our relationship mediator. One of the main reasons that the viral videos and special news reports on the state of Black relationships hit such a nerve is not because they perpetuated stereotypes we already knew existed, but because we weren‚Äôt already having these conversations openly, honestly and constructively with one another (i.e., men with women).

• We will feel safe in our neighborhoods. When did it become acceptable for us to be afraid to walk home after dark? When did we become naturalized to the random acts of violence committed against us each day? It is not okay. And we will no longer let another catcall or invasion of our personal space go unaddressed‚Äîwhether it‚Äôs speaking up to the perpetrator or alerting the nearby authorities.

• We will remember that we are human. Contrary to popular belief, we are not the mules of the world. We are not superhuman. We will allow our selves to hurt, so long as we allow ourselves to heal.

• We will whip our hair. No matter if it‚Äôs long, short, permed, natural, or weaved, we will nurture what‚Äôs underneath. We will not pit women against each other because of our hair preferences. Hair is like religion. We each have our own rituals. We vow to respect each other‚Äôs rituals.

• We will open our minds and hearts to love. We will embrace the possibility of finding a mate who is outside of our race, income bracket or height range. We will remember that these attributes are not measures of one‚Äôs character or compatibility.

• We will love ourselves and each other. We pledge to speak positivity into our lives and the lives of others. We will mentor other Black women and uplift them. We promise to acknowledge other women with a smile or a simple ‚Äúhello‚Äù . . . and mean it. Sisterhood is essential for our survival.

via Clutch Mag

Look at that sweet baby with the iPad. No, he’s not a lucky rich kid playing with an expensive gadget. He’s a fighter, a hero, an inspiration.

A 209-day NICU veteran, Nik is living proof that time, love, education, and patience pay off. He was a micropreemie and against all odds, he meets his challenges by kicking ass and taking names. We can learn a lot from him. For more check out his mom Beth’s blog at Maternal Instincts

Through her blog she has been very inspirational for others. Nik has autism and is pre-verbal (he has yet to talk). But the iPad has allowed him to communicate. He was able to borrow one and took to it immediately. So let’s all chip in and help him get an iPad of his very own. Even if it’s just $1, help Nik continue to win. Nik’s iPad

With the increase in suicides due to gay abuse, GLAAD has organized a National Spirit Day, honoring the memories of those passed and hoping to make a difference in the future.¬† Using the power of social media, teen maven Brittany McMillan came up with the idea, modeling it after a traditional Spirit Week at your local high school.¬† Instead of actually going somewhere or checking into a meeting, all you have to do is support is wear a little bit of purple…whether it be on your body or your online persona.

Wearing purple on October 20 is a simple way to show the world that you stand by these courageous young people and a simple way to stand UP to the bullies. Remember those lives we’ve tragically lost, and show your solidarity with those who are still fighting. ‘Go Purple’ today!

Here are some ideas on how you can participate:

1. Wear purple on Wednesday, October 20!

2. Twitter pic: Click here to turn your Twitter profile pic purple now through October 20

3. Facebook pic: Click here to create a purple version of your Facebook profile pic – Then look for the purple photo in a new photo album called “Twibbons,” click on the purple photo, and click “Make Profile Picture.” Works best on square profile pictures.

4. On Wednesday, click here to post this tweet: I’m wearing purple to end anti-LGBT bullying – make your profile pic purple today #SpiritDay http://glaad.org/spiritday

5. On Wednesday, post this Facebook status: I’m wearing purple today to support LGBT youth – make your profile pic purple today for Spirit Day at http://glaad.org/spiritday

6. Tweet your Spirit Day pics to @glaad! And if you’re on Flickr, add your pics to this group: http://www.flickr.com/groups/spiritday

7. Help promote by downloading this graphic for your blog or website

On Twitter? Use the hashtag #SpiritDay in your tweets – let’s make #SpiritDay a trending topic!

If you do choose to participate, don’t forget to RSVP to these events on Facebook: “R.I.P. ;; In memory of the recent suicides due to gay abuse, wear purple” and Spirit Day, A GLOBAL Day of remembering.

Advil, Aleve, Tylenol – we all have our brands of choice. But sometimes, I think all this shit is the same. When I first got this kit, as a gift, I was skeptical. Mostly, because it was so no-name. But the more research I did, I found that these pills were probably the best idea ever.

Each pill has only one active ingredient and is low on fillers, coatings and dyes. And did I mention the packaging is eco-friendly? So far, I’ve only tried the Help, I Have a Headache (it worked) and I gave a co-worker one of the loratadine tablets from the¬†Help, I Have Allergies package. I can’t say for sure I would¬†Buy it for myself ($30), but I would certainly give it as a gift, especially for the office. I’d like to see one that says Help, I’m in the kind of pain that could erupt in spontaneous ass-kicking.

Ms. Kit quickly became one of my favorite gems on Twitter, after finding out that she specializes in custom drink mixing.  Think of her as a mixologist on crack; taking your look, your personality and drink favorites, dumping them in a shaker and delivering on something special just for you.  aNot only that, but her Tumblr is filled with assorted bartending tips, custom drank recipes, mixing tricks and ovf course, tutorials, & shenanigans.  Check out the drinks she mixed up for the NerdLike team:

The Jane Goldenarms

build over ice in highball glass

• 1 oz malibu rum
• 1/2 oz banana schnapps or banana liquer
• 1 oz pineapple juice
• splash of cranberry juice

shake ingredients well with ice. garnish with a cherry & loosen up that larynx.

The JazzyRae

build over ice in highball glass

• 1¬†oz midori melon liquer
• 1/2 oz raspberry stoli or absolut raspberri vodka
• 1/2 oz triple sec
• 1 oz pineapple juice

stir ingredients well, garnish with a cherry & make that thang whistle.

The Duckey

build over ice in hardball or collins glass

• 1+1/2 oz gin
• 1 oz grapefruit juice
• 1/2 oz pineapple juice
• splash of lemon/lime soda or sprite

garnish with a raspberry & get loose wit it.

The E-Dub

build over ice in highball glass

• 1 oz dark rum of your choice
• 1/2 oz amaretto liquer
• 1/2 oz grand marnier orange liquer
• 1 oz orange juice

shake ingredients well with ice & strain into a collins glass filled with ice. garnish with a cherry & find a dark room to get into some boolshyt.

And since Kutty doesn’t drink….we decided to hit him off with one of these:

Dear Stayve Jerome Thomas,

You should be ashamed of yourself.¬† If not for your completely insane commentary, then definitely for your inability to efficiently use the English language.¬† It’s called a comma and spell check…please make them your friends.

Moving on, I am not even sure why I am getting so worked up over your recent blog post.¬† I keep re-reading your slanderous remarks about Black women and comparing the situation to arguing with my eight year old son.¬† It really isn’t a fair fight, is it? But, something inside of me can’t let it go.¬† Now, I don’t pretend to be some sort of feminist or activist, but what I AM is a Black woman…and I assure you, you do not speak on behalf of me.¬† To say that we are unable to be trusted because we are essentially all gold diggers and looking for someone to pay our way is damn near blasphemous. ¬† We are living in a time where women all over the world are picking up their destinies and taking control of their lives.¬† 25 year old CEOs, band managers, photographers, recording artists…the list goes on and on.¬† Just like the residents of WhoVille, WE ARE HERE…and newsflash, we aren’t going anywhere.

Chances are you may not have ever run across a woman like me or the chicks in my Wolf Pack because you are looking in the wrong places.¬† If she is in the club half naked, hanging ‘close’ to the roped off area of the VIP, or backstage with your entourage, chances are SHE is the woman you are talking about.¬† Desperate.¬† Longing.¬† And while they are all over the place trying to get men like you to put a ring on it, we are still here…the minority, but surviving.¬† We have the right to have our noses in the air from time to time, we are the shit.¬† And if we want something, we go out and get it…

And to take it further, you attack men like my father, my brothers, my friends.  Just because they are not all rappers or producers does not make them invalid.  They have regular 9-5s, they are taking care of their children.  And even if they are working three jobs, going to school at night and living to check to check..they are still there.  They are committed.  And they deserve every ounce of respect that the world has to give them.

Even if this never reaches you.  Even if you do not care.  Know that every day 2000 people come through my little space on the web, and they will read this.  They will email this to their friends.  They will tweet this.  And if you thought your fan base was  smaller than the balls on the little Chinaman  in The Hangover, just wait until this episode is over.

- Jazerai.

So, I have spent the last 20 minutes taking — uploading — virtual makeover’ing myself on Top Shop.¬† Who knew that online shopping could be so fun?¬† TopShop’s Virtual Makeover tool is one of the most precise I have ever used, giving me a new and improved look, far different than my current mis matched pajama, no make up self.¬† Make yourself up, or use it to shop!

Okay, so here is the bullshit. Right after I shot the new releases at a couple of shops for StyleEngine, my Nikon died, with no backup battery. DOH! So, here are the spur of the BB and iPhone pics that we got. Enjoy.

The Idea Swap is a space on the net for people to write down their seemingly useless ideas and swap them with others who feel the same way.  You simply type your note on the Post It and click swap, and the rest is history!

Imagine a place where aspiring fashion designers, producers, models, directors, and musicians collectively convene to provide engaging content for the masses.  These aspiring leaders of the new era have regretted the “main” stream and embraced their “blog” stream success. Gone are the days of control through corporate sponsorship and label constraints, today artist have turned to the dojo to perfect their skills for the fight of “Creative Control”.

The 24hr Karate School as Mos Def refers to it, is an exceptional view into the process of media mogul training at its finest.  Creative Control TV is an online television site that offers up the best in alternative programming for blog superstar artist who don’t have mainstream success, but are apart of an underground internet sub-culture that has a faithful following.  Founded by directors Coodie & Chike, Mos Def, and Ex Rocafella Records CEO Dame Dash  Creative Control TV is an remarkable site to view content of artists on the rise and those new fresh directors offering stunningly sharp vignettes accompanied by dope lyrics and smooth beats. Artists such as Sean O’Connell, Voodoo Farm, Jay Electronica,  The Cool Kids, Stalley, Smoke DZA, Asher Roth and my personal favorite Curren$y all have content on the site, be it music videos, or impromptu jam sessions provided by Sessions @ DD172 the site gives viewers a doorway into a subculture of artist who genuinely are fresh . Shows like “Fuck the Major  We Major” illustrates these artists hesitance to join the rat race of a major label. Other shows include Tonight @ Noon starring Mos Def and  Gallery @ DD172, which gives those searching for new artists and art a place to fill their pupils with interpretation. Creative Control TV is awesome and should be considered a site to view as much as possible. It allows its ambitious members to produce quality material the way they want it and upholding the integrity in their material. I absolutely think those in the know, should get to know CreativeControltv.com

With the Brazilian Blowout and other Keratin treatments becoming increasingly popular, there has been tons of buzz around the internet regarding products that are complimentary to the treatments.  After recently getting the Blowout, I decided to do some research as to how to maximize the benefits as well as the best ways/products to style my hair.  I stumbled across the Hairfree Brushes, a new and innovative way to polish the hair with minimal damage.

Basically, the Hairfree brush is a ceramic enclosed styling tool that is used while blow drying, to eliminate the need of a flat iron.¬† For those of us with ‘complicated’ hair, the straightening/polishing process can prove to be a long and damaging one.¬†¬† The flat iron tends to burn the hair, sear the edges and is drying to the overall consistency of the hair.¬† With the Hairfree brushes, you eliminate the last step of straightening by using the brush while blow drying, which heats up the ceramic plates on the brush and polishes the hair.

Coming in two different styles; round and the traditional flat brush, the brushes also contain a new self cleaning technology [which aside from the polishing is a highly desirable feature as well].  With the push of a button, the hair gets pushed up to the top of the bristles, allowing you to clean the brush with ease.

The Review:

Generally speaking, I have very curly and frizzy hair [thank my Pacific Islander and African American heritage for that].  After the Brazilian Blowout, my hair is silky to the touch, with loose curls/waves all over.  I can let my hair air dry and it will look like this:

Hairfree sent me two sets of their brushes to try out, and I kept one to myself and gave one to my African American girlfriend, to see how to brushes worked on both types of hair.  I washed my hair, let it dry for a bit, and then took to the locks with the Hairfree flat brush and my blow dryer.  After reading a few recommendations on the internet, I decided to first heat the brush up before applying it in my hair.  Bad idea. I think I left the heat on too long, or possibly too directly, as I melted a portion of the ceramic tile.

Moving on, I worked through my hair with the Hairfree flat brush, the same way I usually do and got great results.¬† While my styling time wasn’t decreased, the hair was smoother than it is when I use my regular brush, however, it wasn’t as smooth as it gets when I take a Chi Iron to it.¬† Overall, I can see the brush being great for those quickie jobs, when I don’t have an extra 20 minutes to run a flat iron through my hair, or for someone with a lighter curl than mine.

A few days later I tried the Hairfree round brush, generating the same results, however, the brush was harder to maneuver.¬† The size of the head in relation to the handle made it harder to work through the hair, though if you have great control, the brush does provide a nice ‘bump’ to the edges, as well as builds more volume.

The Recommendation:

While I am not ready to throw out my flat iron quite yet, the brushes were beneficial to my styling.¬† Not to mention that I am a ‘heavy shedder’ so the self cleaning tool is enough for me to want to use the brush daily.¬† The downfall comes into play with the length of the handle, which is a bit short for high heat styling [I burned my hand a couple of times] as well as the bristles, which could be a bit softer.¬† Overall, I had a great experience with the Hairfree brushes, and if you have a light wave, or thinner hair than I, these would be great for your styling.¬† If you want to purchase your own, check the website and get both brushes for under 20 bucks!